THINK AGAIN, HERE LONG AGO

I received a set of golf clubs at the age of 12 for my birthday in May. While a generous gift from parents, it was not anything I had ever specifically asked for. After all it was 1981 and I was secretly hoping for Stevie Nicks’ new solo album, which I later received that year as a Christmas present from my beloved grandmother.

Nevertheless, my father, through good intentions, was convinced that learning golf should be a priority for me and taught me to play at a young age. I will admit when I first began, I thought golf was all about swinging hard and hoping I made contact. I reasoned that if I needed to hit the ball a long distance, I would need to create a lot of force, which resulted in nothing but frustrations for our father and son outings.

Once I figured out it was not like baseball or kickball, I slowed down and focused on making solid contact, and good things started to happen. I was learning to pull back, focus, and work on a more specific objective.

Unfortunately, time marched on, life got busy, and countless years went by before I ever played golf again.

I did not appreciate the lessons it provided until much later in life when asked to walk a few courses with real estate clients or when asked to participate in a few charity tournaments. In most cases, I spent much of my time picking up balls that went in the wrong direction and driving the cart.

But I slowly began to understand how the game of golf teaches so much about life.

One of the greatest lessons is regarding what ‘should’ happen. I was once told, “You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots, but regardless, you must play the ball from where it lands”. With that said, golf has an interesting way of imitating life. I had never thought about how a game about controlling a little white ball could be so relevant.

After I had hit enough balls in the same spot each time, I began to understand the result would more than likely be the same with each hit. However, if I made a few adjustments, just maybe, I could get the ball a little closer to my target. Just in life, if I wasn’t the same way, maybe things could be different.

The problem with expectations is, they always change. As a child I was reminded I should just be happy to learn the game, but it was frustrating, and I would lose focus and as a result any interest in the game itself.

It’s taken me awhile to recognize the negative energy of the word — should. It is so obvious now looking through the eyes of a middle-aged adult. The ball should have gone left. I should have done it better. I should always keep calm.

If time on a golf course has taught me anything, it’s how little regard is given to what “should” happen. The same could be said for a lot of things in life. It’s a dramatic thought, but then quite liberating once I learned to just “bless it and release it”, as my mother often says.

I know I am not a good golfer, but I also know there’s better strategy in me as a result. As far as the game specifically, I’ve simply lowered my expectations to such modest depths. Therefore, I can’t ever be too disappointed because I love the lessons that golf offers, in addition to the opportunity to spend quality time with people, above all.

Perhaps I should not place similar limitations on other ambitions in life and be a little wiser to accept that what “should happen” and what “can happen” are often two different things.

As far as life lessons go, and the few games of golf I have actually played, maybe I just needed to play enough times to figure that out.